Adaptation and The Brilliance of Our Nervous Systems
Like just about everyone I know, my life has been reoriented in ways I couldn’t have imagined just three months ago. With limited options for moving around, I’ve learned to inhabit my home in new ways, relying on the mobility of my laptop to find new places to work hour by hour, day by day. The nook that I’ve called my office for the last decade has been taken over by my soon-to-be husband so now, I’m mostly there for mindless meandering through online articles and videos. The sunny and quiet dining room table has become my writer's room, and I see clients over Zoom in the living room. The garden out back welcomes me in for creative projects, and the couch is for catching up on emails. What I’ve noticed is that different spaces evoke particular focus, energy, and even moods in me. It’s a privilege to have more than one space to move around in and after 21 years, I feel an appreciation for places in my home that I’ve historically taken for granted.
One spot I haven’t spent much time in lately is my massage room. In fact, last night was the first time in over 2 months that my table has gotten used for anything other than a foundation for my 9-year old to build forts off of. To me, this room a sacred space, a place for exploration and a return to the intrinsic erotic wellness in me, my partner, and my clients. The room has been a safe haven for people, myself included, to expand their capacity to feel themselves, from new discoveries of pleasure to reshaping embedded stories of pain. I’m not totally sure why I ignored this room until last night but based on the impact I feel today, I imagine it was a way to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the massive impact this pandemic has had on my daily life.
After dinner, my partner and I lit some candles and headed into 'The Exploratorium', as it's been called, to exchange some body work. Stepping into the warm room and out of my clothes, I was flooded with emotions. I felt relief and gratitude knowing I was about to experience the gift of giving and receiving attentive, life-affirming touch with my lover. Alongside it, I felt the ache of missing time spent in-person with people other than my family.
Flashes of personal and professional experiences of connecting and attuning with others through touch turned into pangs of grief that are still there now. I let myself feel my deep yearning for contact. I miss hugging my friends, giving and receiving bodywork, I even miss the spontaneous brush of a passer-by’s arm. I don’t miss the formality of handshakes but I imagine if they never make a comeback, I will!
We’re wired to thrive through nurturing touch but many of us were touch-deprived long before the shelter in place orders, perhaps our whole lives. Our options are even more limited now and in this time of physical distancing, we have to learn to keep ourselves resourced in other ways.
Nervous system resiliency is built on cycles of arousal and enjoyment and one way to keep ourselves well is to spend time doing things that ignite our senses and engage our bodies. Human skin has millions of sensory receptors, so next time you’re on a Zoom call, try caressing your own body. You may feel a rise of connection and empathy for another simply by touching yourself. You don’t need anybody else to enjoy the sensations of your own body or the signals of wellness that touch sends to your system.
Another way to build resilience is to stay present to the sensations of your experience. Put your attention on the water trickling down the contours of your body in the shower, cuddle yourself up in a blanket and snuggle. On your next walk, stick your nose in the blooming lilacs (or a spice jar if nothing is blooming where you are). Feel your heart pound on a bike ride or a run, and get your hands in some dirt. Even if you don’t have a garden, maybe it’s time to re-pot your plants?
These are just a few of the many ways to cultivate a relationship with your Nervous System for embodied wellness. With a little time and focused attention, you can learn to access the practical and mystical layers of yourself and cultivate unshakable wellness within. Coming up in July, I’m leading a Verdant Collective live, online 8-week course that will invite you into just such a quality of focused attention. We’d love to have you join us if you feel called.