When Gratitude Isn't Enough
In the last few months, I’ve learned so much about the underbelly of my emotions, the uncomfortable stuff I’ve been able to breeze past and work around in busier times. Feelings of bitterness, frustration, insecurity, and a short temper have crept in from the periphery, and these days, I have to consciously scan for what’s good because so much of what’s going on feels like a threat.
I see suspicion, fear, and uncertainty in the eyes of masked neighbors and feel it in myself. Fear is an appropriate reaction to the storm of unknowns and conflicting information during this uncertain time - our survival and wellbeing are in question!
The nervous system responses of fight, flight, freeze are intelligent, time tested tools that are essential aspects of our survival and they can guide us towards wholeness if we know how to navigate them in our system.
Our emotions and our nervous system’s responses become excellent and efficient teachers when we stay present while letting ourselves fully feel them. Our gut feelings are our guides. Fostering a deeper relationship with our nervous system will help build a sense of unshakable okay-ness, regardless of what’s happening to us or those we love.
I’m relying on my tools and practices - including touch, connection, breathing, and time outside - more than ever to stay embodied and well during this time. As part of The Verdant Collective, I’ve pulled together the best of what I’ve learned about how to care for and nurture wellness through the Nervous System and I’m sharing it with a community of women in a live, 8 week course. If that sounds interesting, click here to learn more.
The people that know me best know that I’ve had a morning gratitude practice for over 5 years. Gratitude directly influences my reality, and when I’m feeling it, I recognize life’s infinite creativity, my relationships as support, the gifts of forgiveness, and so much more. When I wake up angry or anxious in the middle of the night, tuning into my breath as a simple miracle soothes my system’s activation and helps me get back to sleep.
When I’m full of complaints or feeling righteous, gratitude helps me focus my attention on what is well so I can tend to the things that matter and put the right amount of effort into repairing what’s not well. And when life is just plain hard, gratitude builds resilience by giving me strength to be with all of it.
Gratitude actually alters our neurology - stimulating and regenerating our prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for modulating and navigating more complex emotions like anger and despair. Gratitude is one of the navigational tools we’ll bring to our upcoming online community course, Erotic Embodiment And The Triune Autonomic Nervous System. Learn more here.
Yet for all its wonders, recently, gratitude on its own hasn’t been hitting the mark. Gratitude requires willful searching for what’s working and a sense of satisfaction with how things are. During the reality of Covid, gratitude feels insufficient to meet the uncertainty of life, plans, and futures. Right now, life is asking me to surrender and in response, I’ve given myself over to daily embodied prayer.
I spent many years unsure about how to make prayer a personal expression of my devotion but over time, I’ve come to know prayer as a contemplative conversation that asks for little more than open-hearted, honest humility. Simple, but not easy, especially for an independent Western Mind.
In prayer, I acknowledge where I am, exposing the truth of my challenges and I ask for help to make choices that align me with the highest good. I don’t need to be strong or know the answers, and I don’t have to hold suffering on my own. In prayer, I place control on the altar and free up space for deep listening to the answers that come from divine guidance and grace within.
For me, prayer is usually not a static practice. I let my body move organically and start in all sorts of positions - lying down, sitting, kneeling, bowing, or standing. I stay in connection with my senses, body, mind, and emotions, while following the guidance of spirit and soul.
I practice accepting myself fully, praying that I learn from my pain and struggle, to see more clearly and for love to guide me. I ask how I can serve. I don’t proclaim affirmations, but I do embed gratitude in all my prayers. I pray to move towards unconditional love as a way of being.
Surrendering in this way re-knits me into the fabric of Life, and prepares me to meet pain, mine and others, with honesty and humanity. And as a presence practice, it engages safety in my nervous system and becomes a whole-body devotion. We’ll explore the technology of prayer and other practices that support wholeness in our upcoming live, online class, Erotic Embodiment the Triune Autonomic Nervous System.
As a circle of women, we’ll practice these and many more skills together, finding our place and reinforcing our belonging in the human and other-than-human world. Sign up here.