If Cutting into Our Skin becomes Normalized, What’s Next?

I read a Facebook post the other day from a woman who teaches and guides other women in the realms of sexuality and pleasure. Her post was not about either of these things, it was an announcement that she was going to be getting plastic surgery. 

She announced this the way she does most things: with a proclamation of how liberated and empowered she is, and how committed she is to paving the way for other women to do what they want with their bodies without shame.

I feel sad, disheartened, and even sickened that it’s considered liberated and empowered to put yourself under the scalpel to change your appearance so that you fit more closely into the beauty standards we are force-fed day in and day out. 

The pressure most of us experience as women to look a certain way is immense. Rather than turning to the syringe or the scalpel, I want us to dismantle the dominant culture’s myths and stories about our appearance and come together as women to generate a culture that is not predicated on our viability as objects of beauty. 

I hope you are getting that while I am worked up about the individual choices that we each make for our bodies, I also understand the impulse to take both small and drastic measures, and the incredible insecurities they all arise from. As I inch closer and closer to 40, I can’t help but notice the gathering wrinkles around my eyes, and the impact that gravity is having on other areas of my body. 

We are all subject to a culture that sees women simultaneously as objects and opportunities, and that assaults us from all directions with expectations and demands as to how we look and carry ourselves. 

A question I find myself asking on the regular these days is: Who does this benefit?

Who benefits from me feeling uncomfortable in my skin? 

Who benefits from me spending time and money on how I look? 

Who benefits from the tens of thousands of dollars that major – and even minor – plastic surgery costs?  

The answer: certainly not me, or you reading this.

Another question arrives: What am I not doing or noticing, or missing out on because I’m consumed with my own appearance?

And then the bigger questions: What does this open the door for? 

If cutting into our skin becomes normalized, as the woman I mentioned at the beginning would like it to, what’s next? 

Adorning ourselves and expressing ourselves through what we choose to wear is different from, and also overlapping with, the tweezing, trimming, plumping, slathering, stabbing, and cutting that are packaged as self-care. It’s also true that doing things that have us feeling better about how we look can improve our day-to-day experience of life. But it feels important that we start to ask why. 

Why do I feel better about myself when I walk down the street with my hair properly coiffed, my lashes curled, my lips and cheeks pinked?

Why do I like my toenails painted?

Why do I feel the need to pluck the stray hairs beneath my eyebrows?

Why would my dear friend feel better if she had surgery to remove the (invisible to me) bags under her eyes?

And why would another friend be happier if she injected botox into the line between her eyes?

The answers are multi-layered. There is no black and white. I’m not here to tell you what to do with your body, but rather to invite all of us to ask 'why'? 

If surgery becomes the new 'normal' for women's liberation, what will happen next? 

And if our daughters and granddaughters grow up in this new normal, what will be the next beauty calisthenics for their 'liberation'?

If you want to get curious with a group of women who are creating the kind of culture that supports asking these questions, join us next week for Taking Our Bodies Back.